Geek in the City

Mixing pop culture news, reviews, and socially biting commentary with mildly amusing entertainment.

Movie Review: Jonah Hex

I’ve seen a lot of bad movies during my time as a reviewer-slash-critic.  In fact, I’ve found that the most terrible films are generally the easiest ones to review.  This isn’t some trade secret that I’m unveiling to help explain my occasionally venomous description of Hollywood’s lesser creations.  The simple truth is that it becomes a far simpler task to promote or dissuade people from viewing a movie about which you have a legitimately impassioned opinion.  Good or bad, malice or praise, films that lie on the extremities of the emotional spectrum just elicit a more substantial response.

And then there is Jonah Hex.

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It isn’t that this movie is a western and therefore cliche-ridden.  It isn’t that Josh Brolin as the title character and John Malkovich as his nemesis turn in performances that are bewilderingly one-sided.  Hell, it isn’t even the fact that entire action sequences are filmed in darkness, leaving the audience more bewildered as to what occurred than intrigued by the mysterious use of ‘subtle lighting’.  Nope, none of these shortcomings were egregious enough for me to really care about the hows or whys that brought them from the creators’ minds to the screen.  In short, this movie was able to produce little more than apathetic ‘meh’ from both myself and what appeared to be the entirety of the audience.  That’s right, even the ever-forgiving screener crowds were unimpressed.  Now that takes some doing.

Come on!

Come on!

Jonah Hex is based on the long-standing DC Comics character whose ill-fated career as a Confederate soldier has brought him both pain and a mystical ability to commune with the dead.  Not your average gunslinger to be certain, but Brolin’s take on the character is exactly that.  Average.  While the film’s trailers and studio hype might have you believe that Jonah Hex is equal parts western and sci-fi, this movie fails to deliver on either theme.  Jonah Hex is probably better summed up as a combination of Ghost Rider and Wild Wild West, but without the fun of either.  And yes, I know that those were both terrible films.

Hex’s story is one of revenge.  Revenge on Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich), who oversaw the murder of his family.  Revenge on himself for allowing it to happen.  Revenge on the Union for refusing to be nothing but a bureaucratic mess, I guess.  Brolin plays on this theme by acting aloof to everyone he meets, almost as if he’s irritated that he allowed himself to be talked into a role in the film.  Malkovich as Turnbull is part Loony Toon (think Yosemite Sam) and part Cyrus The Virus.  The sum of these parts make for exactly what you might expect, another stereotypical movie villain with a penchant for blowing shit up.  Megan Fox is also apparently in the movie.  However, I faintly remember seeing her for more than a five minute segment, during which she spends her time sucking face with Hex and halting what little pace the film had with her godawful accent.

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Jonah Hex isn’t the worst film you’ll see all year (one can hope) but it is certainly a mess.  Brolin and Malkovich were clearly involved for little more than a paycheck, while one gets the feeling that Fox is either too dense or too vapid (or both) to discern that this is nothing more than a lateral move from Transformers.  Sadly, this movie will accomplish exactly what it set out to do, create a comic movie stopgap between Iron Man 2 and Scott Pilgrim.  For now, we’ll all suffer at the hands of Jonah Hex, though I think it is we who are due for a bit of revenge.

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Geek in the City Radio Issue 67

Okay, no such thing as a “D3”, but I wanted it to blend. (Well, there is a “D3” but, that’s a whole other show). Anyway, on this week’s issue, Aaron and Scott talk about the NBA Finals, how Aaron knew it would go to game 7 and other random sports info. Then, Mailman Chris makes his return to GeekintheCity Radio with some exciting coverage of E3. Finally, Darkwing Duck makes his triumphant return in Pulling From Aaron’s Box and Scott talks about the genius of Toy Story 3. Oh, and Directors Cuts of Commentaries. Really. (Also, ignore any “Issue 68” comments, we can haz countin’ skilz).

Download HERE

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Geek in the City Radio Issue 37 – Where The Wild Things Are, Horrific Toys, Nosferatu, & Undead Stormtroopers

In this terrifying Annual-Sized issue of GeekintheCity Radio, Aaron, Scott, & Dan delve even deeper into the world of horror! First, Scott writes a childhood love-letter to Spike Jonze and his newest film, Where the Wild Things Are. Then, Aaron talks with author Joe Schreiber, the dark mind behind Death Troopers – Star Wars first foray into the realm of the undead. Next, Dan Clark lists his Top-5 Horror-Themed toys of all time. Finally, your friendly neighborhood Geek sits down with Adam Rosko of Atomic Arts Studio and talks about their newest production, the 1922 classic Nosferatu! All that and half a gallon of rum gets defeated by the GeekintheCity Radio boys. Get it!

Don’t forget to send in your “Name That Dracula” entry to aaron@geekinthecity.com to win your copy of Dawn of the Dead, Drag Me To Hell, Trick ‘r Treat, and Azure Noir on CD!

Congratulations to Chris Christman – The first listener to correctly identify all the actors. They were: Christopher Lee – Klaus Kinski – Bela Lugosi – Frank Langella.

This weeks musical breaks are:

Inis MonaEluveitie

If I Had A Heart Fever Ray

Download it HERE

Support Geek in the City... Please!

Support Geek in the City... Please!

Geek in the City Radio Issue 36 – Portland’s Lords of Terror!

In this freaktastic issue of GeekintheCity Radio, Aaron & Scott sit down with three of Portland’s premiere Frightologists! Find out what inspires the folks behind The 13th Door, Scream at the Beach, and Fright Town. Also, Aaron provides a short review for the too good for direct-to-DVD flick, Trick ‘R Treat. All that and some fun with Vincent Price. Only on GeekintheCity Radio!

No music this week. Instead, all the breaks come from the classic Vincent Price spoken-word album:

A Hornbook for WitchesLeah Bodine Drake, read by Vincent Price

Special thanks to Raymond at The 13th Door

Dave with Fright Town

Henry with Scream at the Beach

They all took time out of their extremely busy schedules to sit down and chat a while with us, our thanks!

Download it HERE

Support GeekintheCity With Swag!

Support GeekintheCity With Swag!

Geek in the City Radio Issue 35 – Zombieland Review

Having defeated the forces of suck last week, Aaron and Scott return with a show packed with creepy-crawly awesome. First, Aaron and Scott finally get to spread the love that is Zombieland. Thrill as they speak of the visceral pleasure in crushing, shooting, burning, and stabbing all things undead. Next, Aaron sits down with the man behind the Portland Hallo’ween Bazaar (and gets in some self-promotion). Then, Kaebel Hashitani brings some culture to the show with the 1st Thursday List and October events. All that, and Cooking with Cardamom. Only on GeekintheCity Radio.

This weeks musical breaks are:

SlaughterBilly Preston

Dr. Who RemixOrbital

Because I know we dropped a ton of links on the show, here be the list:

Portland Hallo’ween BazaarBaconFestCrime SceneAlter Egos PartyBoilerplate Premiere

Download HERE

Support GeekintheCity With Swag!

Support GeekintheCity With Swag!