A rather chaotic issue of GeekintheCity Radio, first Aaron and Dan talk about their rather strange weekends and gifts of Ron Mexico. (Not what you think, well kinda, but not really). Then, Dan sits down with the Lovely Jenn and talks about the special events happening at SCRAP this week and all through the month of April. Next, Aaron pulls yet again from his box and reviews the best DC book you aren’t reading – Batgirl! Finally, Dan and Aaron both delve into films made infinitely better with a glorious metal (and some techno) audio tracks.
A packed issue of GeekintheCity Radio. Bobby “Fatboy” Roberts discusses the newest sci-fi flick, District 9, while Scott Dally decides whether or not Jeremy Piven got the Goods. Which one of these dudes enjoyed a pleasant 90 minutes in a theater? Then, Dan Clark joins the Challenge of the Super Friends with all kinds of glorious action figures news. Finally, Aaron reveals his secret to picking up the ladies with his rustic fashion sense. All that and Dolph Lundgren. Only on GeekintheCity Radio.
This weeks musical breaks are:
CNR – “Weird Al” Yankovic
Paulverisor – A Les Paul flashback tribute
Don’t forget. This Sunday at the Coho Theater in NW Portland – It’s a Terrible Movie brings you Masters of the Universe with live (and scathing) commentary from Will Radik, Erik Henriksen, and Fatboy Roberts. Tickets proceed the Coho Theater. Get em!
With no available screeners, most of the crew away on assignment, and the pop culture world suffering from SDCC hangover, Aaron and Scott take a nice little vacation. However, they don’t want you to face the weekend without hi-jinks for your pods. So, a fun clip show. Just image Aaron and Scott dressed like Wink Martindale as they introduce each clip.
Starring… Aaron and Scott (duh). Fatboy Roberts, Vanished Twin Photography, Cat the PA, Da Govn’r, Sarah X Vader, Borks, Clyde Lewis, Sulu, Dave Walker, and a bunch of other people that Aaron totally can’t remember because he just spent 8 hours going through old shows. See you all next week with a Giant-Size Annual!
Download it HERE
It is no secret that, well, pretty much everyone assumes GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra will stink worse than Uwe Boll and the Honeybucket of Doom. Is this fair? Not really. I mean, judging a film by trailers and insider Internet knowledge alone is akin to guilty until proven innocent. Still, one can’t feel too bad. Then again, you don’t see defense attorneys releasing all the good parts of their cross-examinations onto the Internet and national television. Although I have to wonder how long before that happens… From the firm that brought you Fizzywhig vs Bumbledoom comes, Fizzywhig vs Bumbledoom: The Appeal, Part III… “I object – FLASH – Is that man in this room? – SHAKY CAM – Slept with his sister! – EXPLOSION”. Okay, that might kick ass, but that isn’t the point of this little ramble. The point is, we as a paying audience do get to judge a film before we place our butts in the expensive, loud, sticky, and total lack of enjoyability that is the modern chain cinema. So, when a studio knows they got a stinker on their hands, and trust me they learn fast, they will skip the press screening and hope the opening weekend give their film a big cash prize. An opening weekend not tainted by all those snooty critics that sway almost mythical power on the film-going American.
This brings us back to GI Joe: The of Cobra-La-La-La. Paramount decides not to screen for critics. Okay, fine. I’ll just rent it from the Pirate Bay. I’ll hit it at a matinee. I’ll send a lackey to watch it. Then we’ll post some pithy review that will likely talk about how much we loved the toys and cartoon as wee youths. How Warren Ellis made the real GI Joe movie a month or so back. And, how much we wish our significant others would dress as Baroness and Scarlet and pillow fight each other. What? Oh come on, don’t act you’re above such things, I’ve read your slash fiction, you glorious pervs. We geeks and critics would sit around, make Michael Bay style jokes, comment about how we totally need to get drunk and watch it again on DVD, and then we would move on with our short attention span lives. Except Paramount wasn’t satisfied with simply releasing their movie, sans critical review. Nope, they had to open their big fat mouths and tell the whole stinking world they skipped press screenings because “We want GI Joe to play to middle America.”
Suck my Terror Dome Paramount!
Sorry, that was a little harsh, but I felt it best to get my knee-jerk reaction out of the way so I could attempt some semblance of intelligence with the rest of this article. The reason for the lack of screening is so very obvious. GI Joe: The Rise in My Pants has been a cursed production, from a public relations stance, since day one. First, we geeks all lost our fanboy minds over powersuits. Powersuits? WTF?! That is so not how GI Joe should look. I demand bare-chested sailors with parrots, mute ninjas with their pet wolves, and a Chicago Bears linesmen with a steel football-tipped staff kicking terrorist ass! (I’ll go ahead and let you pause there and absorb the absurdity of that statement, all said with a straight face). Then there was the bra-stuffing rumors surrounding most of the ladies in the film. Well, as a supportive man of the modern age, I can understand their annoyance at such blatant objectification. However, I am also a piggish male child of the 80s, I demand all my action-figure, turned real-life women, stacked and packed. (And easily mold-able in my greasy hands, but you don’t want me going down that road at this time). Then, there was Sienna Miller complaining the film was only “Guns, tits, ass, no acting”. Again, as a child of the Reagen era, that sounds like a great friggen way to spend a Friday night; let me get my $1s baby! Finally, the rumored firing of director Stephen Sommers because the film was too terrible, even by studio executives standards. Damn, this movie sounds like a great flipping time. As the kids say, so much fail it becomes win.
If they’d only kept their big mouths shut.
Telling everyone they want middle America to judge the film without the corrupting opinions of critics is insulting to, well, everyone. First, what a critic has to say about a movie is simply their opinion. Sure, many established critics have decades of film analysis and academic study behind them, but it is still their opinion. It isn’t like Roger Ebert’s force of will is so very strong that his mere hinting at down thumbs keeps away the masses. Nor is his approval of a film make it Citizen Kane 2: The Wrath of Rosebud, if it were, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider would have been the highest grossing movie of all time. (Seriously, go read his review of that flick. However, knowing he also wrote Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, I think we all know it wasn’t just his thumb that went up at his screening). Anyway, movie critics aren’t there to tell you what you can and can’t watch at the theater. Good critics simply tell you how the film affected them and how said film might affect you. Once in a great while, a critic can champion a truly wonderful film that might slip under “middle America’s” radar, and it isn’t always some touchy-freely flick. Unless you consider gun-toting Mariachi players as touchy-feely. It is strange that a film critic has the power to raise a movies exposure, but damn near powerless when it comes to stifling a steaming pile. Also, and I know this might come as a shock to some, but most critics have a soft spot for over the top “popcorn flicks”. Except the people at the Village Voice, now that is a humorless bunch of folks. (If you listen carefully, you can hear yet another publication I will now never get to write for). The most recent example? Crank 2: High Voltage. That movie was loud. That movie was dumb. That movie was offensive. That movie had no socially redeeming qualities. That movie kicked ass! That movie also played pretty well with critics. See, we like things that go boom too. I keep saying “we” like I am some cultured patron of cinema. I’m not. I’m just some geek with a web page and over-indulgent use of hyphens and ellipses…
But I didn’t get to screen the movie either…
Unlike sites like Aint It Cool, CHUD.com, and Dark Horizons. I’m not annoyed at my passing over by Paramount. But, I am annoyed at the hypocrisy. Look Paramount, screen or don’t screen, but don’t pick and choose whom you wish to promote this movie. I can hear some of you now. “Come off your high horse Aaron, you’re just mad because Paramount considers you and your kind an elistits and they didn’t make this movie for you or your Dijon mustard eating associates”. Just cool your jets their Breit Bart. I like me so-called brainless action movies when done correctly. Take the above mentioned Crank 2. That movie was balls out insane and I loved every minute of it. Just like I can admit I re-watch more Paul WS Anderson films than I do Quentin Tarantino films. There. I said it. Send your hate mail to aduran @ geekinthecity.com. Now that we are on some level cultural playing field, let me drop this little nugget to ponder.
Paramount ain’t calling me an elitist and they’re calling “Middle America” stupid.
Yup. That is what really pisses me off. Paramount doesn’t believe critics will ruin their movie, they believe you – me – us are too dumb to understand when a movie is garbage. Smelly, rancid ass garbage. Paramount is using a classic play from the “Culture War” handbook. Give them crap. Tell them “elitist college folk” think the movie is bad. Then, tell them if you like the movie, those stuffy critics think you’re stupid. Rinse. Repeat. It works in politics all the time. It really is a brilliant move. When the critics cry foul, Paramount claims they didn’t make the movie for them. If “Middle America” makes GI Joe a box office hit, Paramount claims victory. If GI Joe tanks, Paramount can still play the victim. They can say that even this small slice of press from the critics kept “Middle America” from the theater. Either way, Paramount claims a small victory in this stupid “culture war” we all need to get over, really friggen fast! (Seriously, we’re all being played like Florin and Gilder, but that is a rant for another day).
Don’t fall for it. If you want to pay and watch GI Joe: Rise of the Bottom Line, then go see it. Please. Don’t let my words sway you in any direction. But, go see it because you are genuinely interested in the movie. See it because you like hot chicks (or dudes) in skin tight suits. See it because you want to watch the Eiffel Tower get smashed yet again. See it because you want to watch the stunning transformation of fail into win right before your eyes.
But please, don’t watch this movie because Paramount says I’m too smart and you’re too dumb to know better.
Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna’ go watch Resident Evil before catching the Inglorious Basterds screening.
Okay, perhaps not complete wrath, but Aaron and Scott do get a little annoyed about missing the 2009 San Diego Comic Con. Then, listen as Aaron and Scott lose their minds over Sam Raimi directing The World of Warcraft movie, and thrill as Scott does his best to not sound like a total nerd and his level-grinding ways. Next, the GeekintheCity Radio boys delve deep into downloadable video game glee. All that and epic toy news straight from Comic Con via Dan Clark via Aaron Duran.
This weeks musical breaks are:
Luchador Negro – El Luchador Negro
Omnos – Eluveitie
Don’t forget to download, print, and play PDX Pop culture Bingo this weekend – Get it Here
Also, if you can’t get enough of The Aaron – Check him out on The Nerd Report.