Category Archives: ARCHIVES

Opinions and Rants

Screw Hot Topic!

I have this strange confession to make. I love going to the mall, not to shop mind you, I just like wandering the mall. And, the more sleazy the mall the better. Hence why folks will often find your friendly neighborhood Geek in Lloyd Center Mall, but never within the frosted glass walls of Pioneer Square Mall (besides, walking by the Bose store and not being able to afford anything really bums me out). There are very few stores in the mall that I enter; in fact I have them mapped out in my mind in a strange holding pattern… Enter the first level by the postal store, hang a left and ride the escalator to the tobacco shop, slip into the software store that smells like gamers, over to Spencer’s (for no more then 2 minutes), cut over to Suncoast (and hope my ex’s roommate isn’t working), back down to the first floor, zigzag to Excalibur (drool at the Lord of the Rings props), cut to Hot Topic (my eternal quest for more flame shirts), and then about face and leave… But, I may have to change my pattern. I may have to take Hot Topic off my list.

Friggen posers.

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Never Trust the Combos

No, I’m not talking about extra value meals, although those aren’t too good for you either. No, I speak of the combo Geek store. The store that tries to combine comics with sports cards and/or sports memorabilia. When you think about it, these places really shouldn’t exist. As a rule, most Geeks tend to stay the hell away from the group that would give two craps about Joe Montana’s signed Superbowl blah, blah helmet. Think about it. All through high school these were the people that thought you were a huge dork for knowing the original opening date of Star Wars or who drew the best version of Silver Surfer (5/25/77 and Jack Kirby, just FYI). Yet, they found it completely acceptable to memorize the stats of one player or another, or to know who hit more home runs in a dome. Yea, I know, lame…

So why the hell would we want to hang out together at a store?

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Cheap Ass Top 5 List


Don’t you just love the end of the year? It’s a writers dream. It allows each and every one of us to cop out and write up these easy lists. Doesn’t take a whole lot of work. We just go back and look at what we reported on over the last 365. Copy a couple of sentences, write a few pithy comments and bam… Good to go. Well, let me just tell you that your friendly neighborhood Geek is not… I repeat, is NOT above such a cheap trick. And so…

Honorable Mention – Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow takes a bath at the box office:
This isn’t that big of a deal to most folks, even to most Geeks. But, I’ve long had a love for the pulp era style of tales. Sky Captain had that in spades. Unfortunately, as I feared, the movie did not perform very well. I honestly wasn’t very surprised. This just wasn’t the type of film that the typical American movie patron would get behind. Granted, it wasn’t perfect and had a good amount of flaws. It just bums me out that filmmakers take chances and then take it in the face, while crap like Meet the Fockers breaks sales records. Sucks.

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Holiday Geek Shopping

This may be a little late, but I might as well jump on the bandwagon and run with my “what to buy your *insert whatever* in your life. I first said I was going to list the top 10 items to buy the Geek in your life, but being lazy and running out of time, I decided to stick with the top 5 items to get the Geek in your life. Unlike most lists, this one really doesn’t have an order as all the items listed below would be loved by your significant dork. Well, except for number 1, that will ALWAYS be number 1. It should be noted that I am leaving out the obvious listings of video games, movies, and music box sets; seriously, if you are dating a Geek, these items should be givens.

Honorable Mention- Magazine subscriptions:
Yea, I know no real surprise here. But, you can really impress the Geek in your life by selecting a non-mainstream title. If they love the horror, then get them a year of Rue Morgue. The music Geek would love some Blender so he can beat his wannabe hipster friends who still read Rolling Stone. Some Game Informer if they love the digital fragging. Open your mind, if they like it, chances are there is a magazine for it. This also applies to comic book subscriptions.

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The Year of Bill

2004 will go down as an interesting year, but many many lightyears from now, when historians look back they will wonder why 2004 wasn’t named “Year of Shatner”. I must admit that I have an unhealthly obsession for Bill. I’ve read the man’s books — not just the TekWar series but also his Star Trek memoirs. I’ve watched every frame of Shatner I could find, from the Kingdom of the Spiders to his 1965 horror film Incubus, the only movie ever made in Esperanto.

And then there is his 1968 spoken-word album The Transformed Man, a veritable Rura Pente of campiness famous for Bill’s howling and unhinged versions of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds and Mr. Tambourine Man. I’d forgive you for mocking me if I said that I was excited about the release of Shatner’s new album, Has Been. But you don’t know the Captain like I know the Captain. The single — Common People, is just cool. Featuring Joe Jackson on vocals — it’s brilliant. It’s getting good reviews and is quickly becoming a novelty hit. Has Been, released earlier last month, caps the year of Shatner.

Last month the 73-year-old actor won an Emmy for his performance as Denny Crane on the TV drama The Practice. Shatner stars in a new series, Boston Legal, which airs Sundays. I stay up to watch despite having job searches to perform. Next summer, Shatner will reprise his role as slimy pageant host Stan Fields in Miss Congeniality II — absolutely no one does slimy better then Bill. And God help me, I’m gonna’ watch that bad boy.

It’s been confirmed that Capt. Kirk — who,as everyone knows, died on Veridian III, will make a cameo on UPN’s highly regarded, though wholly unwatchable series Enterprise. And, let us not forget that he has been on the cover of TV guide more then any other mortal in history. Shatner has script projects and book projects and documentaries and video games and paintball wars, not to mention his own production company.

Bill has never lost the eye of the Tiger. Shatner is a relentless worker and a fearless artist, willing to try anything — books, music, video games. He is the greatest Candian of all time, Avril Lavine can eat it.

How did Shatner get so hip?

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