I don’t know why, but I found myself scouring old hard drives and intertubes looking for old GitC articles. Call it wading into nostalgia, but I couldn’t help but share the very first “article” I ever wrote. Clearly, my outlook on many a thing has changed, while some are painfully the same. And, because I am a wonky film Geek, I can’t help but add in some “Directors Commentary” whenever I feel like it! It was February 2, 2004. Enjoy… Or not. Enjoy is preferred though. - AD.

THE FUTURE IS MIGHTY STRAIGHT…

So, I’ve told myself that I would keep my political opinions to myself when I write this here little column. For the most part I will, but with Dubya flapping his lips about altering the Constitution to prevent a group of people from marrying got me a little riled up. (This was back when Bush 42 said he would back a Constitutional Amendment making Man / Woman the only legal marriage in the US). So, let me get this out of the way and we can continue the “serious” writing (like how Picard is better then Kirk, stuff like that).

Bush is a tool. PERIOD.

I’m not some bleeding heart, nor am I hardcore conservative.

I’m just some ordinary schmo who thinks this should really be a non-issue. I don’t care who you marry. I can’t figure out why the hell someone would want to get married in the first place. What? You mean I can VOLUNTARILY enter a contract that INSTANTLY puts half of EVERYTHING I own at risk? Well hot damn, sign me up! (Can you tell I was listening to a lot of Tom Leykis back then? Well, clearly my outlook on marriage has changed. I love you Jenn)! Okay, I know it’s more then that, but still. If it was up to me (and people should thank their respected Gods and/or Goddess that it’s not), NO ONE would get a friggen thing for getting married; regardless of gender. Even worse, I’d also tax your ass for having little bastard clones of yourself too…but that’s a whole other thing. (Pretty sure I still feel that way, but this stems from a by choice childless home always covering crap “for the kids”). Anyway, amending the Constitution to ban gay marriage is lame and wrong. This creates a whole new group of people that count as “separate but equal”.

Remember where that got us last time we wrote those laws?

In sticking with the theme of my rant lets move on…

There aren’t many gay folks in the future. Or more specifically, Star Trek is mighty “homo-lite”. Unless of course you count the Mirror Universe in which EVERYONE is gay, or at the very least bi-sexual. Don’t get your Underoos in a bunch, this may sound incredibly hot, but try to imagine Worf getting it both ways (Not pretty…except for you Klingon Fetish folks…you know who you are. Freaks).

Hey - Look, pictures. I never used them back in the day either! - AD

This is a small consolation though, since the Mirror Universe is where all the evil and twisted people live and fight a never-ending civil war. They do know how to dress though (the Mirror Universe characters I mean). Take the lovely Lt. Uhura, she’s hot as hell them 1960’s mini-skirts, bloomers, and go-go books (God bless you Gene Roddenberry). But, in the Mirror Universe she has the above mentioned clothes with the added bonus of a belly shirt and carries a big ass knife. 

Used to have a LINK here - Better to show the hotness! - AD

You try telling me that isn’t hot as hell! They couldn’t show this on television, but remember the rules of the Mirror Universe… Oh yea, Lt. Uhura and Nurse Chapel playing “doctor”… Excuse me, be right back… Spock was also kinda’ hot with that dangerous goatee (oh yea, other Mirror Universe rule – Men have goatees and/or open chest shirts – Don’t know what Dr. Pulaski would look like, apart from hideous of course).

Things didn’t get any better during the Next Generation time either. In fact, the Mirror Universe didn’t even show up. Not once! And so Star Trek: TNG was a safe bet for folks that didn’t want to explain to little Timmy why Picard was kissing Data, (come on, all those “rehearsals” in the Holodeck…You know they hit it a few times, he’s British for God’s sake). When you think about it, Data is the perfect person to get your homo-curious on with.

FIRST: He doesn’t make moral judgments (except when it comes to using little robots as slaves).

SECOND: If you decide that it’s not for you and you don’t want folks to find out, just order him to never speak of it. He won’t.

THIRD: He is “Fully functional in multiple techniques”.

Come on, can’t beat that! Seeing the Mirror Universe in Next Generation would have been fun. Makes it easier for me to visualize the whole “Crusher/Troi/Me” fun. (Yes, I mean Dr. Crusher. Little Wil couldn’t handle me)! (Um, I was all kinds of homo-erotically charged in this old school article. Best to not dwell on it. Or do, I don’t care. Just saying). - AD. As a side note, there was a time when the writers wanted to make Geordi a gay character. Watch the few episodes when he had a beard, that was when he was supposed to be “outted”. They must have panicked and backed off. Truthfully, I’m glad they did. Geordi was damn PC to begin with. I don’t think I could handle a black, blind, AND gay character, can you say overkill?

Deep Space Nine did give us some interesting ideas. A Trills’ sexuality all depends on the gender of the little worm thing in their belly. But, the producers backed off that one. They did bring back the Mirror Universe. Everyone was still evil, but they wore more leather. And Voyager? Hell if I know. Voyager sucks! Then there is Enterprise. I haven’t really watched it enough. They ended up on the cover of Just Out a few months ago, but I can’t get into the show so I don’t know why the show made the cover.  (Turns out one of the actors is gay, but even now, too lazy to remember who. Not that it matters, no one cared about Enterprise until Season 4 anyway) - AD.

So where does that leave us? I don’t know. Maybe that amendment DOES get passed. (Clearly, it never happened, but it was not a good year for equal rights. Things are better, but not perfect. To me at least) - AD. Then, not happy with making them second class citizens the President hires scientists to solve the “gay problem”. Not able to “cure” them they create a dimensional portal and ship them to the…Mirror Universe! And I think I’ll go with them…A goatee and leather looks good on me… (As it turns out, a full beard looks even better on me. Leather? Not so much, not with this arse) - AD.

Well, there you go. The very first Geek in the City article. I opened with Star Trek and if the day ever comes that I pull the plug on this site… I’ll probably find a way to end it with Star Trek.

On a more serious note. This site, in one form or another, has been around for over 6 years. It absolutely would not exist without the Lovely Jenn, all the great writers that pitch their work, but mainly you. Simply the greatest audience of all time. Ever. Your support never goes unappreciated. I thank you from the deepest of my heart.

Thank you.

…And so you would, don’t lie. Come on Trekkies, have a sense of humor… Especially you. Yea, you. The one that always calls me out on lame ass shit. Good lord. I love Trek as much as the next side-hearted Vulcan, but I know fun when I see it. Besides, if I lose a couple of pounds, I could totally play a flashback “young” Riker! I even roll my “R”s like him when he says “rrrrrrrrrred alert”:)

The real question? What would Wil Wheaton do?

Thanks to Oni Press for hooking up your friendly neighborhood Geek… Watch it now, before YouTube changes it’s mind!

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World hits theaters August 13, 2010

Tonight (8/30) for one night only, Trek in the Park returns for a special encore presentation. This time, the talented folks with Atomic Arts Studio brings the fun to the historic Bagdad Theater to perform Amok Time live on the stage. Then, stick around for a screening of the new JJ Abrams Star Trek.

You heard right, if you are over 21 and have $6.00, you get a double-dose of awesome with Trek in the Park and the summer’s most exciting film, Star Trek!

It all starts at 20:00 hours, 8pm to you civvies, (though you better be there early, this will sell out) and is a mere $6. You won’t have a chance to see them again until next year!

Live Trek+New Trek+Beer & Tots=Best. Night. Ever.

See you all at the movies!

It is July 12, 2009 and I am sitting under a tree, hoping the thick green branches will keep me dry from this uncommonly cool and grey Portland summer afternoon. The park is beautiful, made even more so by the light rain falling upon the grass and stone steps of the Woodlawn Park Amphitheater. I wasn’t alone. Within minutes, the amphitheater filled with an eager audience. Couples, singles, friends, parents, and their children (both two and four-legged). It was going to take a hell of a lot more than a light afternoon rain to keep us all from experiencing life in the Final Frontier.

5 minutes till “curtain”. I glanced to my right and with no small amount of joy I observed the cast and crew. I knew the emotions flowing through the performers and crew at that very moment. That moment where you can feel the spark and energy from the audience start to build. That twinge you feel in the deepest part of your soul, the twinge that kicks in just the right amount of fear. The fear that tells your heart, “Ok, they came. Now it is your turn”.

Adam Rosko, co-founder of Atomic Arts as well as this performances’ James T. Kirk strode to the center of the stage. The rain already causing his golden Starfleet uniform to stick to his body, he thanked the audience for attending the show. In a few short moments we were going to enjoy a performance of the classic episode, Amok Time. With a simple nod and second thanks, Adam took his place on the set and the show began.

What a show it was!

If you don’t have a genuine good time at Trek in the Park, then there is something seriously wrong with you. That isn’t me speaking as a proud Trekkie that demands you love all things Star Trek. No, I’ve long since moved past that stage in my geek evolution. No, you will enjoy Trek in the Park because you feel the passion and work the actors and crew put into 53 minutes of classic Space Opera. Each actor knew their role in the show, and while none of them play to the character stereotype, they incorporated enough elements that made the crew of the USS Enterprise icons. Are these professional actors? No, but they are getting there and I for one look forward to watching them all grow. The sets are minimal, but a good stage production has no need for elaborate sets. The actors set the stage and the folks behind Trek in the Park do an Yeoman’s job at doing so.

Not even the growing rain could slow the voyage.

“Wet as Vulcan, I’m beginning to understand what that means.” Without skipping a beat or missing a cue, the cast and crew ran with the changing weather. Sure, the line got a chuckle from the die-hard Trek fans in the audience. But, like all good Star Trek moments, we were laughing with, not at. Indeed, I found myself laughing many times throughout the performance. Never once in mocking, just the simple and wholly human expression of joy I felt at watching these actors. Not a single wink or nod to the crowd. The Atomic Arts crew played it straight the entire time and the audience appreciated it.

Is it a little strange to watch an outdoor stage production of a 1960s science fiction television show? Well, yes. It is.

But you know what? I’ll take Go-Go Boots and Pointy-Vulcan ears over, well, Pixie Boots and Pointy-Fairy ears any ‘ol day.

Trek in the Park plays again on July 18-19 and 25-26 at 5pm at the Woodlawn Park Amphitheater. No cost, but please, drop some gold-pressed latinum in the donation box.