In this freaktastic issue of GeekintheCity Radio, Aaron & Scott sit down with three of Portland’s premiere Frightologists! Find out what inspires the folks behind The 13th Door, Scream at the Beach, and Fright Town. Also, Aaron provides a short review for the too good for direct-to-DVD flick, Trick ‘R Treat. All that and some fun with Vincent Price. Only on GeekintheCity Radio!
No music this week. Instead, all the breaks come from the classic Vincent Price spoken-word album:
Fresh Music to Replace Your Tired-Ass Halloween Mix.
While the best month of the year is still a few days away, I can’t help but get ramped up for yet another fantastic spooky season. (Although my friends and family will tell you, I start getting “the itch” around July 10). The decorations are up, the costume is prepped, the horror films are primed, and I’ve hit play on the ever-growing Halloween music mix. This isn’t just some party mix, oh no. Your friendly neighborhood Geek designs an all-day background mix. This mix took days to build. Hell, even designing the play order took upwards of 7 hours. Halloween music is serious business gentle readers.
However, if I had to choose one concept or theme to my Spook-a-Blast playlist, it is this: No more K-Tell mixes! What do I mean by that? Well, apart from aging myself among the non-audiophiles; it means that the so-called “tried and true” Halloween tracks will not enter my ears this year. And, because I am a great and benevolent Geek, I am going to do the same for you. Not only will I tell you what truly needs to go away for a while, I will offer you suggestions to replace the cliched sections of your musical library. What started as a Top-5 has evolved into a full-blown public service… And so we begin with…
Anything by Danny Elfman! Yup, right out the gate I invite Geek anger. Look, we all love Danny Elfman. Hell, he’s basically the gateway drug into movie scores. I mean, what would happen to high school one-act plays where it not for Danny Elfman? But, I just can’t do it anymore. We all need to take a break from Elfman’s painfully predictable kooky dark music. Also, just because he’s known as the Dark Knight does not mean Elfman’s score for Batman and Batman Returns makes for a Halloween mix. Just stop. Instead, try the collection of this other talented individual:
Tom Waits. Yup, the creepy dude that played Renfield in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Give this a listen and tell me you can’t get into the morbid mood.
All Sound Effect CDs. Please, for the love of all that is undead, stop playing these horrible albums. There is nothing worse than grooving on a particularly creepy track, only to have an over-processed witch cackle and scream “Oh, little pretties…he, he,he”. Ugh. That being said, there is one exception to this rule. If you find a really great piece of old school vinyl horror, by all means play them. There is some genuine coolness to those scratchy gems. (And some were downright disturbing, like the Tales of the Frightened, read by Boris Karloff). If you simply must have some form of sound effects mixed in with your music, find effect that blend with music.
Like Nyarlathotep by Flint Glass. While it leans heavy on the electronic tones, the general theme of insanity and “that which man was not meant to know” simply oozes from this album. But, take a hint from yours truly on this one, don’t fall asleep while listening. The mad monk Alhazred does not make for a soothing lullaby.
Tubular Bells, The Halloween Theme, Nightmare on Elm Street Theme, or Friday the 13th. Really, with very few exceptions, we need to put away any and all slasher film themes from the 1980s. (I know, The Exorcist wasn’t a slasher nor the 80s, but you get the point). Nothing makes a horror aficionado roll their eyes more than when someone tells them, “dude, I just got the best Horror Movie CD”. We all know how it goes. “ding-ding-ding-da-ding-ding-da-ding-ding-da-ding-ding-da”. Stop! It worked the first few time we heard it, all it does now is make me want to stab your eyes out! And, with the exception of frightening the ever-loving crap out of my mom and sister, Tubular Bells is nothing more than wonky new-age music. Hell, I bet it makes Enya roll her eyes. No more! Just as most respectable haunted house attraction have done away with the 80s monsters, so too must you move on. That doesn’t mean you completely toss the film based horror tracks. Indeed, this will be your step into a much larger world.
Filled with Poltergeists, Lamias, and the dread Suspiria. In fact, if you find yourself drawn to the European sensibilities of the quasi-psychedelic tones within Suspiria; you simply must seek out any and all music by Goblin. The same goes for one of the newest entries in horror music, Drag Me To Hell. With a loving nod to William Castle movies and the music within, it will have you seeing creepy-crawlies from the corner of your eye. Loving every moment.
Perhaps you’ve had your fill of music. Or, you just wish to mix your haunting score with a few choice songs. Songs of the morbid, bizarre, wacky, or just plain unsettling. Step one…
Destroy all copies of Monster Mash, Purple People Eater, and Werewolf of London. Yes, they are classics. Yes, they are catchy and your grandmother has fond memories of dancing to them. That doesn’t mean we need to hear them hundreds of times between the span of October 1 to October 31. No more! None. Not even the bitchin’ version of Monster Mash done by the Misfits. Unless you have very small children that want to get their wee-fright on, these sounds deserve a one-way trip to the Phantom Zone, never to return until the Great Cthulhu itself rises from it’s deathless sleep. And even, you might just want to kill yourself. Don’t worry, there are plenty of wacky and creepy songs to fill the void.
Songs like Doomsday Averted, Aim for the Head, and Creepy Doll. What parent wouldn’t grin with pride upon seeing their little zombie slayer bouncing around to the dulcet tones of Creature Feature? How can anyone deny the morbid joy of a doll that crawls into your head and tells you to cut back on the honey in your tea? Fine, you want your dark Halloween rock to have some edge to it. I get it, Halloween demands strong guitar riffs, I mean, it is the devil’s music and all. Okay, just do my a favor…
Never play Manson’s Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These)ever again! Actually, put all your Marilyn Manson albums away. Time to be big boils and ghouls. (See what I did there)? The continuous playing of “goth’d” covers is generally the fault of the corporate marketing nit-wits that think they know how to mess with the kids. Don’t believe me? Walk into a Hot Topic right now. Yes, that song is damn near 15 years old, but I can guarantee it will get play before the season ends. Really, any Manson (and those insane clown in Slipknot) are only good for offending your hyper conservative great-uncle. The same great-uncle that swears Art Bell didn’t [DELETE-DELETE-DELETE] wife. Trust me, there are still plenty of hard tunes out there to offend your family.
Like the spooky rock played by Wednesday 13. Sure, they might look a tad on the Neo-Goth side, but you can’t deny the joy in songs like The Ghost of Vincent Price. Unlike Manson, Wednesday 13 “gets it”. They get the bombastic showmanship inherent with spooky rock music. Indeed, if KISS or Alice Cooper every had legitimate heirs, it would be Wednesday 13. Then, for good measure, throw in anything by Rockabye Baby! Don’t let the soothing sounds and cute album cover foll you. Listening to lullaby versions of Tool will get into your head and never let you sleep again. So, you know, it’s perfect for a Halloween mix.
Finally, just as I opened with a geek-rage educing denouncement of all things Elfman, so to due I end with controversy. One that pains even me to write. One that causes me to deny my very own drama-nerd past. I speak of…
The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The time has come to put the Sweet Transvestite to sleep. No more Science Fiction Double Feature. Down with Dammit Janet. It all ends, here!* Look, I love Tim Curry as much as the next drama dork, we all watched Muppet Treasure Island and thought “well, at least Tim got paid”. Still, the time has come to pass the torch. The songs no longer tantalize or titillate. The time has come to declare a new champion of the horror musical. The time has come for…
Repo! The Genetic Opera. Yes, I’ve spent damn near two years talking about this fantastically bloody, vulgar, trashy, horrible, wonderful opera. I am sure you wish I would just stop. Too bad. Not content with a few notable songs, Repo demands you sing each and every line. You try and tell me your little black heart doesn’t fill with masochistic glee when Giles Anthony Head proclaims he’s a Legal Assassin! Blind Mag sends chills down your spine when she learns about Things You See in a Graveyard. It has everything a good Halloween mix demands. Blood, sex, violence, pathos, and songs about ripping out used hearts and kidneys!
Now go forth and creep out!
*Hot Patootie is the lone exception, as it falls under All Things Meatloaf Are Awesome clause.
