Written by: Nikola Jajic -  Art by: Sergio Giardo, Rick Hershey, Bob Cram, Cliff Kurowski -  Letters by: Michael Czerniawski - Alterna Comics.

There is something amusing and timeless about various gods and goddess bickering in their pantheons. Perhaps because each of these deities personify a merit and flaw within our humanity; or, is it something even more basic and primal. Do we like seeing these one-time religious rulers taken down a peg or two because there ain’t nothing better than stickin’ it to the man… Real or imagined!

The Big Bad Book takes that concept and ratchets it to, well not quiet 11, but lands in the upper 8 region. The Big Bad Book opens with the time-honored tradition within mythical writing. That rat bastard Loki is up to no good again, at the expense of the lovable but rather dim-witted Thor; and guess what? Yup, us mortals are gonna’ get stuck in the middle of their spat. In this case, one rather average cubicle jockey by the name of Jim. - Quick side note, those that are easily offended should probably avoid this book and this review. We’re both about to get into some smelly and stank shit. Literally.

See, it turns out Thor is a giant animal buggerer and Loki likes to collect the hammered ones exploits in book form. Think Kitty Kelly, but without all the neck waddle. While most of these mythical gods like to do the Asgard Tango with mortals, Thor likes the wild side of Earth. The more legs and fur, the better. (It would explain his dad’s horse, but I digress). Loki knows this, writes everything down in a book and plans mass distribution among all the other pantheons of the world. Odin is not a fan of this, as he’s already thought of as something of a putz with the other bolt tossers. The plan is simple, whomever can convince poor Jim to give them the book wins it forever and may do what they wish with it. One catch, they can’t just walk up and say “Hi, my name is Loki. You may know me from various role playing games, Norwegian Metal lyrics, and the pending bad guy in Marvel’s The Siege. I’d like to talk with you about sharing and caring…No? Gimme’ that book”! (And Thor, um… “Hail, mortal. Like my hammer?”). So, they each choose the others physical form to enter the mortal place. Thor makes Loki a clown cause, um, well cause Thor ain’t that bright. Loki makes Thor a monkey because that is just good storytelling.

If this review sounds a tad coy, it is intentional. The story is rather straightforward in its presentation and execution. That isn’t to say this is a bad thing. Nikola does tell a rather humorous story, even if it is something we’ve read a few times before. Imagine if Vertigo’s Greek Street and Jack of Fables had a wacky uncle, that would be The Big Bad Book. The moments where one sees Nikola’s potential for storytelling comes whenever he leaves his main characters aside and hangs out with the other gods. I love the image of Zeus cutting a three-picture deal because he likes to hump it out with celebrities (even though it violates the Pantheon Control Act). I chuckle at Odin having to put on a needless eye-patch to maintain his street cred. Balder fishing in Odin’s Koi Pond or Shiva banging four gavels in God Court. These are the moments with Nikola truly shines and I hope he continues down that path.

The art is hit and miss for me. I’m not sure if the four artists were used out of necessity or stylistic reasons; but it got a tad disorienting. Each chapter required the reader to reconnect with the character and for a few panels, can throw you off a bit. That being said, each artist had a distinct style that helps the rather goofy nature of The Big Bad Book. Sergio Giardo and Cliff Kurowski really stand out to me and lend a bit more “color” to this outlandish tale; Rick Hershey and Bob Cram have a style that might lend themselves to grittier tales. I do hope all the talented folks keep working on their craft, there is serious potential in all of them and I will certainly look for any new projects with their names on it.

In all The Big Bad Book is locker room humored trip through the absurd and bizarre… With devious clowns and thunder-powered monkeys. Gotta’ love that!

You can learn more about The Big Bad Book at the Alterna Comics Website. Finally, all you budding comic book creators. You too can take a shot at selling your comic to the wanting masses. Just click on the banner below and submit your book to the Things From Another World Indy Comic Week event!

Make a comic? Wanna' sell it? Click here then!

Eventually, I’m going to talk about the French horror film, INSIDE. I’m also going to tell you how it ends, partly because I want to ruin it for you. By the time you get there, you’ll understand why.

I have an enormous problem with the spate of “torture horror” films these days. I’m referring to films where the horror is all too human and the violence, which tends to be prodigious, isn’t borne of a voodoo curse or an alien’s genetic imperative to lay eggs in your butt. It’s just sadism. The HOSTEL films, THEM (2007), THE STRANGERS, VACANCY, P2, CAPTIVITY, TURISTAS, remakes of PROM NIGHT, THE HITCHER, WHEN A STRANGER CALLS…yadda yadda yadda. I find these films to be at best creatively lazy and at worst culturally damaging.

The evil that men do is not entertainment. If it was, we’d have a CSPAN for Darfur by now that would make American Idol look like a cable access hog report. Horror movies are supposed to be a break from reality. In order for us to suspend our disbelief, give us something to disbelieve in. Give us a MONSTER! And don’t feel that you need to hold back, either. The ghost of a cremated pedophile? I’m intrigued. A demonic, self-mutilating leather daddy and his carpool buddies from hell? Do go on. You don’t even have to work that hard. Did any of you see CREEP (2005)? It’s in that same awry-experiment mutant genre as THE HILLS HAVE EYES, only the writer/director assumed that his audience had an I.Q. above room temperature. That’s really all it takes. And then, to keep us on our toes, every once in a blue moon, lightly pepper in a believable sociopath. A Hannibal Lechter. A Henry. The AntiDundee from WOLF CREEK, even. But make them the exceptions, not the rule. Give our psyches some time to heal over before you squirt lemon all over them again by reminding us how scary the world is.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking.

“But Baron, isn’t man truly the biggest monster of them all?”

Please know that your half-baked, freshman philosophy class nihilism is causing me actual, physical pain. You want to vilify the human condition, Moonbeam? Go watch SCHINDLER’S LIST. There’s a reason that horror and sci-fi and fantasy share space in convention halls as well as in the hearts of nerds worldwide: it’s all about frakking make-believe. When a movie is just about violence and sadism, that makes it too real - even if the story framed around it happens to be fiction. It takes so little effort to push that same violence into the realm of fantasy. The killers were dead but now they’re only sorta dead. See? See how easy?

I’m assuming, of course, that we can all agree that movies are meant to entertain. They’re meant to add to our lives in some way, even if it’s just a 90 minute vacation from hearing about war and inflation and celebrity babies. In a perfect scenario, horror movies are a catharsis, allowing us to get our adrenaline pumping, scream and blow off the steam of a stressful world by rooting for the heroes and, even subconsciously, feeling just a wee bit happier that we don’t live in a world where the full moon is evil and brains are delicious.

Torture horror films do not do this. They make us feel worse about the world. Their message is loud and clear: you’re fucked. You don’t have to go into the basement when the electricity is out. You don’t have to read a passage from a book bound in human skin. You don’t have to have unprotected teen sex on the grave of a drowned leotards in the pet cemetery next to the nuclear power plant in order for unspeakable things to happen to you. All you have to do is be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

What? Don’t tell me that. That’s not what I want to leave the theater thinking. That’s just mean. I paid ten bucks for you to show me this? You dick!

Which brings me to INSIDE.

Written and directed by Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury, INSIDE is the most relentless example of torture horror that has ever glued my eyes open in shock and awe. In a nutshell, a woman in her last weeks of pregnancy is trapped in her home and stalked by a scissor wielding madwoman that is dead set on a decidedly unscheduled C-section. Everyone that enters the house that night - and for a place out in the boonies, it’s surprisingly populated - ends up savagely and spectacularly eviscerated. Nothing is left to the imagination. Gore guh-gore gore GORE! Fast forward, crazy lady is in a rocking chair, cradling a blood soaked and possibly dead newborn, as the camera pans over mommy, torn open and spilling down the stairs like a wet, meaty piñata. Roll credits.

As a lover of film, INSIDE tears me. I want so badly to hate it and yet it’s brilliantly done. It truly is. The acting, the directing, the editing - brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. INSIDE’s short 84 minutes is packed - there’s barely room for you to blink, so peeing or making a sandwich is out of the question. Absolutely riveting, there’s no point in denying it. And yet, the story that was inside Bustillo and Maury busting to get out is about a psycho scissor sister that carves up a battered and bloodied pregnant widow like an Easter ham. Ironically, you’d have to view INSIDE in its entirety (in other words, don’t rent it from Blockbuster) to appreciate the depth of depravity committed to the story here. This is neither the product of nor the fodder for healthy minds.

Nine weeks after INSIDE’s US video release, a 23 year old woman in Kennewick, WA, tortured a 27 year old mother-to-be and cut her full term baby from her womb.

It’s true.

I was still feeling violated from watching INSIDE so this news hit me like a lead pipe. Coincidence? Cause and effect? Life imitating art? I cannot say. But I can say that when I seek out the vicarious thrills of a horror movie, this is exactly the type of world that I’m trying to escape from.

Why did your friendly neighborhood Geek pick this article to run from Baron Von Goolo’s past? Simple, to once again promise you fine readers that neither this site or GeekintheCity Radio will review or mention Saw VI beyond this little line.

Want real fun and horror? Be sure to check out the ghoulish Baron and his minions at Fright Town showing through November 1 at the Memorial Coliseum!

A packed issue of GeekintheCity Radio. Bobby “Fatboy” Roberts discusses the newest sci-fi flick, District 9, while Scott Dally decides whether or not Jeremy Piven got the Goods. Which one of these dudes enjoyed a pleasant 90 minutes in a theater? Then, Dan Clark joins the Challenge of the Super Friends with all kinds of glorious action figures news. Finally, Aaron reveals his secret to picking up the ladies with his rustic fashion sense. All that and Dolph Lundgren. Only on GeekintheCity Radio.

This weeks musical breaks are:

CNR - “Weird Al” Yankovic

Paulverisor - A Les Paul flashback tribute

Don’t forget. This Sunday at the Coho Theater in NW Portland - It’s a Terrible Movie brings you Masters of the Universe with live (and scathing) commentary from Will Radik, Erik Henriksen, and Fatboy Roberts. Tickets proceed the Coho Theater. Get em!

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