As Football enters the exciting time of the season (and my Bills totally tanking…again) I’m compelled to write about a gross imbalance! Yet again sports pundits saying how grow men pretending to coach football teams are cool; while my fellow dice tossers still hide in the locker, I felt compelled to give my thoughts on Fantasy Football…

AKA…

Dungeons and Dragons without the Wizards and Elves… Though, judging from the average defensive linemen, it does have Orcs

Observation 1 - Sports freaks and gamers look very similar once you peel off the first layer. Note, gamers have the long greasy locks and swill Mountain Dew. Sports junkies have the “lucky” ball cap and swill Coors (or any other domestically flavored water pretending to be beer).

Observation 2 - If a gamer wears a shirt proclaiming his skill at fragging or game company support, he or she is taunted as a freak. Ironically, if a sport fan wears the same smelly ass Seahawks jersey day in day out, he or she is just “hardcore”. Damn, I want to be hardcore… Think folks will leave me alone if I wear full plate armor?

Observation 3 - When a sports fan blows off social engagements to go hang with his or her friends at a sporting event, well, that’s simply “the way they are, just have to work around it”. However, if a gamer blows off an engagement, they tend to get the “girl (or dude), you should just dump their dorky ass, come on”.

After making these observations I have come to two conclusions. One, it’s just not friggen fair, and two sports nuts are bigger dorks than gamers; they just have better public relations people.

Anyway, onto fantasy football.

These guys get to be cool? WTF?!

I got some bad news for you people out there that think fantasy football is an ANYWAY different from roleplaying games. It isn’t. Period. Don’t believe me?

From the Fantasy Insights website:

Fantasy football allows fans to take an active, personal role in professional football, therefore increasing their enjoyment of the game. The fan gets to create their roster of players by drafting talent from actual NFL teams.

From the Wizards of the Coast website:

Dungeons and Dragons is the game that started the entire roleplaying game category. And D&D remains at the pinnacle of fantasy RPGs, offering the excitement of imaginative, shared storytelling and lots of social interaction—both in the game and around the table.

Players take on the role of the characters—heroes exploring a medieval fantasy world whose goals are to complete quests, explore ancient ruins and dungeons, fight monsters, find treasure, and become more powerful. One member of the group, the Dungeon Master (DM), creates, narrates and referees the game. Together, the DM and the characters bring the game to life.

That doesn’t really sound all that different. Except for one thing. See, in D&D you at least control EVERYTHING that goes on. All you really do in fantasy football is sit around and hope the guy on TV doesn’t screw up.

Again, from Fantasy Insights:

Leagues are usually formed with 10-14 of these fans, who now become owner/managers of their own unique roster. A draft is held, where all the league members get together with each drafting 14-20 NFL players. Head-to-head, weekly competition between these various paper teams are then held throughout the season. Each team chooses a starting lineup each week. Points are scored based on the actual performance of the NFL players (i.e. 6 points for a TD, 1 point for every 20 yards). The team with the most points gets credit for the win. At the end of the season, one owner emerges as the champion.

One more time from Wizards:

Create characters with almost limitless options and without restriction. You emerge from the last dungeon, tired and spent, with experience for new skills, gold for new weapons and gear- and the need for healing from the trials you’ve faced.

Both games have their version of player or character advancement. Both have a point system depending on the difficulty. Slay an Orc you get a couple experience points, but if you smite a Dragon, whoa buddy. Sack the quarterback you get s few points, return a kick-off, well, you get the idea. Role-playing has player characters and non-player characters (PCs and NPCs). Fantasy Football has Keepers and Non-Keepers.

But we're the nerds!?

Granted, to most folks both of the above sounds a little strange and to be fair it is. But, that’s the point. For some strange reason the people that play fantasy football are seen as healthy, even normal. Not so with gamers. Hell, you ever seen a pastor or school principle talking about the evil of fantasy football? Me either, but I can remember times when the devil was alive and well within the pages of my players handbook and shrinks were brought it to talk to and observe the gamers in school. “Just in case”…

I got  nothing against fantasy football fans. You have what you like and I have what I like. As is mentioned on both web sites, the point of the game is “to have fun”.

But, I still don’t get why you’re cooler then us… Because as we all know, Elves are way hotter than Cheerleaders.

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