3 Fast Music Reviews – 1 with Lesbian Vampires!

That title alone will guarantee a spike in new readers. They won’t stay, but they will visit. (Just like people still find my site with the phrase “Wonder Woman Porn”, don’t ask me why or how as I’ve never written about both… At least together, until now). Anyway, three short score reviews you simply must own…and yes, one has Lesbians and vampires. But first, let us go back to a simpler times:

60s TV Themes –


Oh City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra, where would I be without your tireless effort in bringing me music from a bygone era? This album is exactly what it claims. A collection of some of your (or, your parents) favorite television themes of the 1960s. There are the standards that you find in almost all collections of this nature – The Batman theme, I Dream of Jeannie, The Addams Family, and Star Trek. However, Silva Screens does sneak in some fine little gems. Gems like the original Doctor Who theme, reminding me that no matter how thing change, they do indeed stay the same. What I found most surprising (and ever-so refreshing) was just how funky themes from the 60s were. Hell, the Mission Impossible theme has two types of cow bells and bongo drums (after you get past the military marching opening, who knew). The album is a tad weak whenever the folks at Prague take a stab at singing (no accents, don’t worry about that), but a certain kind of charm is missing when all the smooth and groovy tunes take a back seat to vocals. Still, next time you plan a playlist for a little cocktail mixer, toss this sucker in… Just watch out for Gin mixed with Yakety Sax.

The Essential Mike Post Collection –


Quick, everyone under the age of 35, name your top-5 TV themes of all time. Bet you 500 experience points at least 3 of them were Mike Post joints, whether you knew it or now! Again, we have the City of Prague to thank for this one. Though not all, as two other groups: The Daniel Caine Orchestra and London Music Works chipped in. (Someday, someone needs to do a documentary on these bands / orchestras). Anyway, The Essential Mike Post Collection is again exactly what it claims. All the TV themes you grew up with, even some I totally forgot he wrote. Like Blossom or Top of the Hill. There really isn’t a stinker in this collection, there is a reason why he is Mike Post and we’re not. There are a few tracks that feel dated, painfully so. Tracks like L.A. Law. Whew, I can almost see sunglasses, Salmon colored power suits, and boxy BMW convertibles. (And I now know who to blame for both Michael Bolton and Kenny G – L.A. Law). Still, this collection is covered well and the performers rarely stray from the source notes. Like the Best of the 60s themes, there are some forgotten gems in this collection. Gems like Tales of the Golden Monkey aka, Indiana Jones and the First Attempt at a TV Show. Or, what I believe to be one of the coolest themes ever that I never remembered – The Rockford Files. That is some dope-ass whaaaa-wanna-wanna-whaaaaa. (Not to be confused with the coolest theme I do remember, Magnum P.I., seriously, we all need to reevaluate the awesomeness of Tom Selleck – But that is a rant for another day). Okay, so maybe this collection isn’t as tailor-made for parties as others, but sneak a theme or two in next time, watch the eyes in the room light up.

Fine, as promised…

Lesbian Vampire Killers –


Composer Debbie Wiseman might be one of those rare talents that none of us mundies have ever heard. (But really should have). I’ll be honest, when this CD hit my in-box (no pun intend), I expected some serious cheese. I’m talking Vivid Entertainment with a dash of Troma style cheese. I didn’t expect what I heard once I hit play. It opens with an almost Universal Monsters style piece. Seriously, I kept expect Carl Laemmle, jr to walk into my room and warn me of the horrors I was about to watch. Such a surprise set the tone for the rest of the movie score. A movie, yes, titled Lesbian Vampire Killers. A movie with it tongue firmly placed in cheek. (Please to read any of the multiple entendres I crafted there). In full disclosure, I’ve yet to see the movie. Contrary to what the title suggests, I’ve heard it is a fun little comedy / horror that does a good job of poking fun at both the rise in vampire films and blatant targeting of male sexual fantasies. In a way, I’m glad I’m hearing the music first. If Wiseman’s score is any indication as to the tone of the movie, it must be a blast. One moment, Wiseman has you listless swaying to her slightly Gothic tunes in tracks like Centuries Ago, and then immediately thrusts you into high adventure within fog covered Carpathian mountains with Have You Been Hanging Out With Vicars?!

Indeed, some people might find the constant change in tone a distraction. This is not a straight (dammit) dark comedy score, nor is it a brooding tale of undead angst. Wiseman pulls out all the stops in this surprising score. With tracks like My aXe Girlfriend, you can almost see yourself running around some decrepit building, trying to avoid your undead (but likely smoking hot) ex lover… With a frightening grin the entire time. Then, she kicks into undead epic overdrive with pieces like Carmilla, The Vampire Queen. Debbie Wiseman reminds me a of young Danny Elfman, one that wasn’t afraid to play around with the music, one that didn’t settle into a format and never stray. Lesbian Vampire Killers is a damn fun score. A score that no horror or RPG fan should be without. And, attention Joss – If you ever get around to making that Buffy movie you keep teasing, think we found your composer – I mean, she has a track titled: Whores of Fucking Hades, Prepare for Fucking Death! That’s good times! Lesbian Vampire Killers hits music stores May 20th.


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