The ‘Clash of the Titans’ Playlist

The general consensus on Louis Leterrier’s remake of “Clash of the Titans” seems to be that the two hours of uninspired, unnecessary sword and sandals wanking doesn’t merit a $10 ticket to your local cinema house. (Listen to the review HERE) The story lags to the point of stagnation and then finds itself resolved all to quickly in a final epileptic battle sequence.  Sam Worthington’s performance as Perseus is so bland that he may as well suffered Medusa’s stone curse within film’s opening minutes.  Liam Neeson’s Zeus and Ralph Fiennes’ Hades are petty, annoying and their constant monologuing takes away valuable screen time from the menagerie of harpies, scorpions and other creatures that serve as the film’s real characters.

All of these things might be true.  But they can all be cleansed by one glorious thing… heavy metal.

Righteous.  Fucking.  Heavy metal.

clash_ofthe_metal

To truly experience “Clash of the Titans” in the manner in which I feel the creators (be it intentionally or not) meant it to be seen, you need to replace ALL of the film’s audio with 25 of the most epic, victorious heavy metal songs.  To make this task an easy one, I’ve taken the liberty of testing out this theory.  What I witnessed in that dark theater was nothing short of legendary.  Perseus riding a scorpion across the desert while Iron Maiden played “Where Eagles Dare”.  Alestorm warning of the dangers that lie “Over the Seas” while the Kraken devoured Argos.  The embattled group of Greek warriors were piped into battle with “To Holmgard and Beyond” by Turisas as they approached Medusa’s lair.

All of these things were amazing to behold, once the film’s soundtrack and dialogue were replaced in their entirety by the following 25 songs…

1. Rainbow – Tarot Woman
2. Iron Maiden – Caught Somewhere in Time
3. Megadeth – Holy Wars… The Punishment Due
4. KorpiklaaniErämaan Ärjyt [Men of the Wild]
5. Iron Maiden – Where Eagles Dare
6. AlestormLeviathan
7. Alestorm – The Quest
8. Alestorm – Over the Seas
9. Monster Magnet – Melt
10. Iron Maiden – Children of the Damned
11. Megadeth – Hangar 18
12. Rhapsody of FireEchoes From the Elvish Woods / Fear of the Dungeons
13. Wolfmother – White Unicorn
14. Megadeth – Devil’s Island
15. Turisas Fields of Gold
16. Black MajestyWings to Fly
17. Korpiklaani – Kultanainen [Golden Woman]
18. MoonsorrowKylan Passa
19. Rainbow – Stargazer
20. TherionSon of the Staves of Time
21. Megadeth – The Conjuring
22. Powerman 5000 – When Worlds Collide
23. Monster Magnet – Negasonic Teenage Warhead
24. Turisas – To Holmgard and Beyond
25. Iron Maiden – Flight of the Icarus

Browse through your album collection, consult your favorite online music “reseller,” do whatever it takes to procure the above list of metal.  Download them to a portable music device of your choosing, plug in your earbuds and set a random playlist as the lights go down and the opening credits roll.  Do this and I guarantee that your experience for the next two hours will a far greater one than that of any other poor serf in the theater.  At the film’s end while they are shaking their heads in bewilderment and disgust, you can stand proud and pump your fists in victory, knowing that you drank deep from the chalice of metal.

480_fdsapril

This entry was posted in MOVIES, PODCASTS and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to The ‘Clash of the Titans’ Playlist

  1. Sir Chrissy Poo says:

    Should we listen to the songs in that order, like a metal version of Dark Side of Oz?

  2. Aaron says:

    Download the show, Dan breaks down the order in which they played. He just hit random and let The Metal dictate his experience. I am certain he would say the same. Much like The Force – Let the Metal guide you.

  3. Pingback: Moe Lane » I’ve heard this about Clash of the Titans.

  4. Eric says:

    You, sir, are brilliant. Alas, I came upon this blog entry too late to make use of the helpful advice herein. Those of you for whom it is not too late… well, actually, skip the movie and just listen to the soundtrack. But if you can’t skip the movie–friends drag you kicking and screaming to the theater–this post will prepare you as best as a man may be prepared….

  5. krussader says:

    One of these things is not like the others, my eye is on White Unicorn by Wolfmother. At first glance it may appear to match set list just by the name, but that band opened up for The Killers’ last tour. Talented? Yes. Metal? Hell no.

  6. Aaron says:

    Yesterday I popped into Everyday Music to get some of the albums mentioned. I know, torrents…iTunes… Blah, blah. But, I wanted to own some physical Turisas, just cause. Anyway, certain sections of their newly created Metal / Punk section looked rather picked over.

    When I went to the counter to purchase my items the clerk (in horn-rimmed glasses and way too tight capri pants – green) proclaimed, “What the hell, is their god damn metal convention in town…and no, We’ve NEVER carried Alestorm, so don’t ask”.

    I simply smiled and gave him my cash. Live a little brutha.

  7. Eric says:

    I have procured the above set list and can’t wait to go see it in action tonight with my friends. I’m not sure if I should use the order above or just believe in the metal or put on shuffle. Any suggestions?

  8. Spam Bot 101 says:

    Sounds pretty rad, gonna rent the DVD and try this But could you make a comprehensive list of what albums are needed for these songs? I already had about half of the songs, but the other half are a fucking pain in the ass because i gotta look up the albums first…

  9. You says:

    Anyone who wants to try this out: do yourself a favor and leave Powerman 5000 faaaaaar away from your playlist for the movie
    It’s a fucking disgrace to Heavy Metal to lump Powerman 5000 in there…how this band found its way into this otherwise excellent Playlist i may never understand
    You might want to leave Wolfmother out too, they’re more Classic Rock than Heavy Metal

  10. Aaron says:

    See, now you’re just asking for Dan to challenge you to a metal off! 🙂

  11. Dan says:

    Wow, not sure where all the Wolfmother and PM5K hate came from. Clearly, you’ve never basked in the pure metal glory that is “White Unicorn” by Wolfmother or the entirety of the “Tonight! The Stars Revolt!” album by Powerman. While I would concede that Wolfmother’s sound is more akin to Black Sabbath than Black Majesty, they are no less epic. And really, if your iPod playlist shuffle is just right, you’ll catch these songs at the perfect moments in the film. Give it a try.

  12. Hector Luis says:

    Nice but…..WHERE THE FUCK IS FOGHAT?!

  13. Aaron says:

    Yes! Our first Foghat joke!

  14. Sky says:

    I can’t find item 12 for the life of me. I’ve… “procured” all of Rhapsody of Fire” but still cannot find it. What album is that from?

  15. Dan says:

    The album yer looking for is called “Triumph or Agony” and features Christopher Lee as guest vocalist 🙂

  16. Pingback: Secure Immaturit

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.