Surrogates – Spoiler Free Reivew

I could easily get the hang of this reviewing thing if…ah nevermind, let’s just get on with it. I just got back from a screening of Surrogates starring Bruce Willis, Ving Rhames, Rosamund Pike, and Dr. James Aldohn, wait, no…Dr. Alfred Lanning…err, I mean Dr. Canter (James Cromwell).

Surrogates is not a bad film, I’ve just seen it already. Man creates technical wonder. Said technical wonder changes the world. Man regrets technical wonder. Man works to destroy technical wonder and redeem himself, and by extension, the world. (This is not a spoiler this is a plot device. Rent War Games or Terminator 2.). There’s no crime in the formula, but if I noticed it, you will too. If you like the formula, you’ll love this movie. It’s well done, executed properly, and gets the point across.

The only issues I have is that I thought Dr. Lanning…err, Dr. Canter already set the ball in motion for humans to co-exist with their robotic counterparts. Apparently, they just figured out a way to become them. Still not spoiling…watch the trailer. I think the major difference this time around is that Will Smith…err, Bruce Willis starts out being OK with the artificial life, but soon comes to his senses regarding human interactivity.

For me, Surrogates rang a little hollow and I could detect the faint aroma of Sliders, Season 3, Episode 11 (‘State of the A.R.T.’). Well, that and a strong helping of I, Robot Xtreme! thrown in just for good measure. Something about Bruce Willis and Sci-Fi just doesn’t work for me. It’s kinda like Stallone in Demolition Man or Judge Dredd. Please sir, back away from the genre and slowly put down the script. This movie’s action was just as underwhelming for me as the action in The Fifth Element (another Bruce Willis sci-fi classic). I don’t need Die Hard in space or Die Hard with robots. Seeing Bruce in a ‘Cypher’ wig and smooth baby soft skin is classic in its own right, but this movie left me wondering. Where the action in Action Movie went and repeated mannequin death doesn’t work for me. Sue me.

On a side note, having a Bionic Man sequence without the “Dehn-dehn-dehn-dehn-dehn” effect was awesome, no really. I would have preferred the “Dehn-dehn-dehn-dehn-dehn,” but it was awesome nonetheless. I also have to bemoan, once again, the under-usage of one of my favorite actors Ving Rhames. He could have been an incredible villain for this film, but alas, we were just left with an anti-surrogate, bearded, heavily sedated KRS-ONE clone (Sorry, but all I can hear is ‘Whoop Whoop! That’s the sound of the police!’).

Oh, and before I wrap this up. Word to the Unfair Racial Cliche Alert! Once again, tha‘ brothers’ take the L.

Again, this is not a bad flick, but Surrogates left me feeling like there should have been a lot more to this film besides a cry for ‘Reaper’s’ sister (and the rest of humanity) to come out of her bedroom.

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