Letter to the Shat

Dear Bill,

Look, you know there are few greater fans than yours truly, your friendly neighborhood Geek. Hell, I signed up for your ill fated Sci-Fi / Horror DVD of the “month” club. I didn’t even complain when DVDs got lost and then canceled, without any partial refund. I was cool with it. I trust you to find me the best prices on airfare, regardless of the un-Godly time of night you make me fly. Dude, I sang Ideal Woman to my wife at my wedding reception. And, let me tell you without a shred of irony, I meant every frakking word of that tune! I’ve even gotten into drunken shouting matches at my local watering hole defending both Has Been and The Transformed ManThe Transformed Man, Bill! I mean, you’re William “F’ing” Shatner. You’re the man. You. Are. The. Shat!

This is why it kills me to write the next sentence… William, Mr. Shatner, Bill, bubby…

Shut the hell up!

Look, we all know George can’t stand you and I think we all know that you know that we know why you know that we know. You know? Bill, they call that special facial-focus lighting “Shatner Lighting”, you gonna’ try and tell us that you never once threw a tantrum on the set of Star Trek? Before you get all pissy and post yet another YouTube Diss Video. We, the fans, we are totally cool with your past. I mean, you were the captain of the mutha’ F’ing Starship Enterprise; you had a right to strut! But, you gotta’ know you pissed off anyone on the cast that didn’t get credits during your opening monologue. Here’s the thing, we’ve moved on. We’ve forgiven your a-hole past. Everyone’s written their “tell-all” books. It is done. They let it go, we’ve let it go, and you said you’ve let it go.

Now, why you gotta’ get all up in Takei’s grill and start talking yang about an event that happened over a month ago. Come on, you know you weren’t all butt hurt over the “snub”. (No pun intended George, honest). We all know why you posted that video. Although for the life of me, I can’t understand why… You posted the video because you’re a ravenous attention whore! I get it, I really do. Why do you think I started this site years ago? I know my own when I smell one. But seriously, Bill, you’re above such things. It would be one thing if you hadn’t done anything since Rescue 911 and you needed the cash. But, Bill, you’ve won two Emmys. You’re on a successful network show. While all your previous cast-mates are schlepping in made for Sci-Fi Channel movie of the week and Star Trek Fan Cruises, you’re raking in ABC money.

Bill, you’ve beaten every odd imaginable. You’re a cultural icon. You’re above diss videos. Leave that to hungry hacks… Like me.

Your friend,

Aaron Duran

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