I spent close to an hour trying to come up with a better title. Every time I thought of a new one, it just didn’t fit. Plus, anytime I can play on an actual existing phrase, I’m gonna’ take it. Besides, the above title gives me images of Topol riding a multi-headed dragon and that makes me giggle. Anyway, the point of said title comes from a report in the Ynetnews, an online news source from Israel. Don’t worry, this won’t be another rant about politics and whatnot… Nope, it’s about Dungeons and Dragons.
You see, even in the promised land my fellows dice tossers get the shaft.
The Israeli Defense Force (which sounds a lot like the Klingon Defense Force) has decided that troops who admit to playing D&D are weak minded and easily influenced by outside events. As such, their security clearance is lowered and are prevented from entering any form of special forces groups. I for one am shocked on two levels. One, I didn’t think there were many D&D players in good enough shape to even DREAM about being in special forces, let alone apply for it. Two, why would you not want a two fisted Dungeon Masta’ watching your back?
The IDF feels that players who enjoy D&D are, “detached from reality and susceptible to influence”, I’m curious to see where these brains in the IDF came up with this information. While I will freely (and even gleefully) admit that us D&D folks are a…strange lot, we are not weak minded and easily influenced. Indeed, I would argue the exact opposite.
How you ask? Glad you asked.
See, gamers spend a good amount of time prepping their mind for verbal assaults. As role playing games are a slightly less accepted hobby, us gamers must often be ready to defend our hobby and engage in pithy banter with those who would malign our beloved hobby. Susceptible to outside influences? Hah, I think not mister IDF! Now I shall admit that we dice tossers are not known for our physical attributes (look at that stat based shout-out). I will admit that we are rarely the most physically fit people on the block… Well, except for that creepy gamer who learned huge amounts of martial arts and always carried some form of melee weapon (often a sap or an extending baton). Every group has that gamer. And, every group has waited for the day that he chooses to become a ninja, and is never seen again.
What the hell was I talking about? Oh yea, the physical prowess of gamers.
While it is true that gamers will need some serious training to get our bodies up to snuff, we have developed an art that takes years of seasoning that no amount of basic training will provide. You see, gamers, after years and years of eating anything at the gaming table, food or not, fresh or not, have turned their white blood cells into radioactive powered mutants covered in glistening Mithril armor. Nothing can harm the interior of a gamer (except for artery blockage). You need to send in troops into a biohazard zone? Fine, send in the gamers! Anthrax has nothing on that Velveta/hotdog/Dorito/Jalpeno pizza! The area still covered in radioactive isotopes? That’s cool man, gamers have survived drinking coffee made with Mountain Dew and Everclear!
The IDF is worried about D&D fans not being able to take orders. That’s fine, just always make sure that the leader is a Dungeon Master. Hell, we’ll never say no to that person, he controls our experience points!
You see, gamers make the ultimate soldier. Or not.
To be fair to the IDF, they did go out of their way to single out the live action role players… Heh… Look, your friendly neighborhood Geek has gone to Ren Faires, but he has never engaged in LARP’ing. Being a drama Geek is painful enough, at least I can hide that as art. Maybe the IDF does have a point, I don’t think I’d want a LARP’er watching my back either. Crossing ones arms does not make one invisible…
Ask a LARP’er, they’ll explain, (sadly, I can too).
Until next time… Anyone know where I can find naughty pics of Diana the Acrobat? Yea…