The Force is Dead To Me.

Okay, so I know I mentioned that I would lay off the Star Wars ranting for a while. Heh, like that will ever happen. There is just too much going on in the galaxy far far away for me to not say anything. I wish I could say it was information that had me excited, but I can’t. I also don’t think I can give ?ol father George anymore of my hard earned credits.


First off, on September 21 we have the release of the “original” trilogy on DVD. After so many years, the fans will finally get to see their childhood heroes brought to life in glorious digital quality. Too bad, it’s the crappy Special Editions. I’m even willing to bet that we’ll see more examples of Lucas improving his vision. You know, because it’s what he always planned to do, (kinda’ like the way he always planned 3 movies, or was it 12, no wait 9. Do’h, getting ahead of myself here). I’m sure us fans will be graced with a sneak peak of the third and final prequel movie, or maybe some of the choice scenes the flannelled one filmed for the Uber-Ultra-Mega-Special Editions, coming your way when he needs to make a quick buck. You know what I’m talking about, the scenes where he sticks a young and nubile Hayden Christensen as the spectral Anakin at the end of Jedi. Don’t believe me? I’ve seen the footage my friends…

The Revenge of the Sith! Sweet! What a kick ass title! Dude this movie is going to rock! Yea, wooo! Hey, did you know this title is like the original Jedi title?! Yea baby! I can’t wait to see this bad-boy. Oh, wait… I felt this way twice in the past. Twice I was burned. I just can’t get excited anymore. Episode 1 is so terrible it’s laughable and painful. Hell, Lucas had dick and fart jokes put in (both in the guise of “funny” Jar-Jar moments). Even Kevin Smith knows those gags only go so far, and that’s his bread and butter. The problem is that Lucas is blatantly playing to the fanboys and girls out there with that title. He knew it would create the type of response I wrote above. Too bad it’s a throw away title. I urge any of you out there to ask your non-Geek friends (assuming you have any) to ask them if they know what a Sith even is? Not many will. So, what’s the point of that title? It’s to distract us dorks who at one time blindly gave him money to mindlessly walk into a theater and plop down 10 bucks. I just can’t get excited about this “final” film. I know how it ends…SPOILER WARNING… Everyone friggen DIES except for Obi Wan, Yoda, a couple of bratty twins, and Anakin (who I suppose does die, depending on your point of view). We will again be shown a really cool looking bad guy who will be killed before he is given a chance to grow on the audience. Oh well, at least General Grievous will be brought to life by the fan favorite Gary Oldman.

Finally, we have episode 7,8,9. Yeah, yeah, I know Lucas said he didn’t have the next three films planned. Well, let me tell you a little known secret. Lucas admitted in the late 70’s while giving a Newsweek interview that he had 12, count them 12 films planned in the series. Then he claimed that he always intended a trilogy of trilogies. Then, a couple of years after Jedi he claimed that was it. Then he said he had the prequels written long before the original trilogy was filmed, claiming that was all he had planned. Wonder why the folks at Lucasarts and ILM have been forced to sign papers stating that under penalty of termination that they are NOT to speak of episode 7,8,9. Good thing Lucas never plans to shoot another three films, right? Want good adventures after Return of the Jedi, read this man’s books!

There was a time when I would get excited at the idea of seeing more adventures in my second favorite universe. I simply can’t. Lucas can’t tell a good tale let alone direct it to save his life. There is only one way I would ever care if I woke up one day to read that three more Star Wars films were being made. Lucas MUST step back and allow directors and writers of real talent take the reigns. Sure, it’s Lucas’ universe and I would welcome (and want) him to be the creator of the foundation stories and act as producer. After that, step aside and allow other people who are just as passionate about a long long time ago play in father George’s universe. Can you imagine a Star Wars film directed by James Cameron, Quentin Tarantino, or Kevin Smith? (All people who have admitted to dreaming of the day when they get to play in the Star Wars universe). It will never happen, but a Geek can dream can’t he?

I’ll admit that I will see Revenge of the Sith in the theater. Not out of any real desire, but simply cause I feel like I must see this one through. However, unless the film utterly and completely blows me away, I will not be purchasing the DVD. I will not be shelling out the 49.99 to buy the release of the “original” trilogy on DVD. I have my “special” copies, and have no need to ever view the Special Editions again. While I can’t openly support the procuring of such discs, I might be able to…well…you know…

I’d say may the force be with you, but I just don’t care anymore…