A So Very Sad Admission

Ah the guilty pleasure, we all have them. It doesn’t matter who we are, or how classy we claim to be; when we are all alone and no one can mock us, we pop in that certain CD, movie, or Hot Pocket. I am no different, but my burden is greater as I often claim to have this great pop culture taste, I really don’t, I just fake it well. Okay, so maybe I do have good taste, but that doesn’t stop me from having a long list of extremely pathetic guilty pleasures… One playing in the background as I write this…

Let me just reassure folks that your friendly neighborhood Geek does indeed think that Paul WS Anderson is a hack and has no business directing anything beyond a PT Cruiser commercial. He is very well known for taking concepts that could (and should) have been fun movies and completely poo-pooing them. Case in point; the original script for Kurt Russell’s Soldier was great! It was full of action, plot, action hero pathos, and one-liners that would have flowed well from the mouth of Jack Burton. Then, Anderson came along and decide to “hip it up” (something he does on a painfully regular basis). Can you see where I’m going with this yet? Yea, sad to say that two of my favorite guilty pleasures are Anderson flicks. It’s so sad, but I can’t help it. Trust me, I tried. Might as well admit it now… I got the mad guilty love for Event Horizon and
Resident Evil (although I don’t groove on RE as much as Event Horizon). Don’t ask me to defend my choices in the matter, I simply like these flicks. Okay, so maybe I’ll defend them a little…

Regarding Resident Evil, I fully admit to being one of those people that is completely and utterly obsessed with the game series and as such gobble up everything about it, that includes a poorly made movie in which a friggen COMPUTER and NOT zombies kills 70% of the cast. No bitching about spoilers, anyone who hasn’t seen these movies yet probably never will, so just back off! It does have some interesting music scored by Marilyn Manson, I find myself wishing that Manson puts more attention to film scoring. It may not have been everyone’s cup of tea, but I found the music to be interesting. Another reason? Well, as many know, I just love zombies. Zombies are the best bad guys in the world to use (apart from Nazis). See, it doesn’t matter what you do to a zombie, nobody will EVER feel sorry for them, except for Bub in Day of the Dead, maybe. It also has Michelle Rodriquez, hmm…Michelle, my gun touting, attitude flying brown goddess; you’re no Vasquez, but you are darn close. Course, a friend of mine enjoys pointing out that Ms. Rodriquez is not a fan of the man love, which would follow my annoying habit of lusting after women who would NEVER…EVER lust after me (or with anyone without XX in there DNA).

Event Horizon doesn’t (in my mind) require as much defending. I know many horror fans who admit to liking this movie. It’s a fairly interesting take on the classic haunted house story. It also has the added benefit of forcing characters into a situation where they must press on. That’s the only way to make a horror flick work. If the characters ever have a chance to turn around and then foolishly decide to press on, then screw them, they get what they deserve. The characters in Event Horizon are ordered to check out the ship, once they learn the ship is all demonic they do their best to bail. Alas, Sam Neil goes wacky and traps them there, bummer. Event Horizon, like Resident Evil, has a good score in fact it far better. Composed by Michael Kamen and Orbital. It creates good tension and really gets the audience into the horror on the screen. In fact, Event Horizon was one of the first scores I remember writing down in the theater to pick up when I saw it. The performances are decent, although even then I knew I was tired of the “hip black man”, the “brooding brit”, the “saucy blonde”, and the “square whitey”. But, the performances of Sam Neil and Lawrence Fishburn raises everyone elses performance. Event Horizon was one of the few horror flicks in the watered down 1990’s to NOT shy away from large amounts of gore and blood. Many of the scenes, as gruesome as they may look were heavily toned down. I’m still waiting for the Directors Cut to be released (a report that has been circulating for over two years now). By and far the main reason I like Event Horizon is the films great production design. The ship is damn creepy and flat out feels evil. Even more so when you realize that the ship is based on the floor plan of the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, and that the set construction folks made a point of making all passages shaped like coffins and halls like a meatgrinder. Fun stuff.

Wow, for someone who can’t stand Anderson I sure have given this a lot of thought. Well, there you have it; a small sampling of my cinematic guilty pleasures. Check back in about 6 months when I (inevitably) add Alien vs. Predator to the list… Damn you Anderson… You lovable hack!