Time to be Honest

There is nothing worse then watching a remastered version of a film you loved as a youth only to find that it really wasn’t that good of a movie. Such was the case when I took a gander at the release of the 80s classic, Flight of the Navigator. Sure the movie was still cute and Paul Rubens was still funny as the ship’s voice, but the movie just wasn’t as good as my rose-colored memory. As is often the case, that fact got me to thinking about other films I completely adore…or at least remember adoring…

Fair warning, many folks may burn me for hearsy for the films I am to mention. Sorry, but your friendly neighborhood Geek must speak the truth.


TRON: Disney’s first effects movie success (as The Black Hole bombed), Tron was an attempt to cash in on new computer effects. I know, I know. The discs are cool and nothing beats that lightcycle chase on the game grid. However, that doesn’t change the fact that Tron just isn’t a good movie. Anyone who understands film knows this to be true. The only people that can still defend Tron are effects junkies and people who enjoy reading old issues of Scientific American and Wired magazine. Jeff Bridges just doesn’t cut it as the rough and ready leading man, in fact his character looks like it was written for that old Disney regular Kurt Russell. Only David Warner stands out in his hamming best as the evil Sark. I will however give you the genius of Master Control, without whom a young Kyle in a small town in Colorado wouldn’t have a Moses…

STAR TREK – FIRST CONTACT: I’m sure this seems a shock to many of you coming from me. You would be correct, my realization that this is a bad movie came as a shock to me as well. My eye opening must be attributed to a good friend of mine, lets call him “D”. See, D knew for a long time that Star Trek: FC was a bad Trek movie. He would be right. To be fair, as a generic action/sci-fi film First Contact isn’t bad, it’s even pretty good. The problem is that as a Trek movie First Contact is terrible. It lacks in every way the heart and soul of Star Trek. There’s no sense of exploration or discovery within or without the human soul. (One could argue that Star Trek: Insurrection is the best Trek movie in theme, I’m sad to say). It’s simply an attempt to show Picard and crew kicking butt on the Borg (and a chance for Patrick Stewart to bulk up a bit). First Contact was also guilty of making one of the scariest screen villains of all time less then spooky. The Borg, as they were originally presented, were a force of nature that could only be held off for a time. Like families boarding their homes before a hurricane, the best our heroes can do against the Borg is survive. The creation of the Borg queen gave the Borg ego and reason for being. Giving them a drive removed their pure horror. Sure, the Borg were still creepy looking, but the introduction of the Queen created the option that somewhere, some time the Borg could be reasoned with. For that, First Contact is a bad film.

Finally…here we go…Deep breath…

SUPERMAN II: Easy now. Back off. Get back! Just listen…LISTEN! Follow me here. Superman: The Movie is one of the best comic book movies ever made. Period. Superman 2 picked up right where the first movie left off, indeed both Superman I and II were written as one massive script and many of the scenes were filmed at the same time as the first film.. The problem is that the man behind the first Superman movie (Richard Donner) was fired for reasons that the studio still won’t mention. Most Geeks agree it’s cause Donner had an actual vision and wouldn’t take crap from the producers…but I digress… Superman 2 isn’t bad, but compared and watched back-to-back with the first film, it simply doesn’t stack up. The reason all us Geeks claim that Superman 2 is better can be explained in two words: General Zod! That is why we like this movie, or better yet, Terrence Stamp’s portrayal of General Zod. He is so over the top and evil that we can’t help but get giddy and forgive the fact that Superman is able to TELEPORT or that heat vision can REMOLD Mt. Rushmore! The plot of Superman 2 was so simple it should have been better. Three super criminal Kryptonians are released by a nuclear blast in space. They come to Earth and attempt to take over planet and kill the son of Jor-El. This simple story is made more convoluted by Clark’s attempt to lead a normal life and allow his powers be taken away. Which, by the way, is lame when you consider that his powers come from his genetic make-up and our yellow sun. Using that rational, that little crystal tube could re-write anyone’s DNA and make them all bad ass… Can you imagine Batman with Kal-El’s powers… I know I can! Anyway, Clark coming to terms with his powers and destiny was already dealt with in the first film and simply wasn’t needed in the second movie. It would have been better (as originally planned) for Clark to come to terms with the fact that his native people were less then noble and perhaps we is meant to rule. Then, recognizing that is it the “man” in Superman that truly makes him a hero. But, all we get is a lame love story…again… But, for all it’s problems we can all be thankful for this movie. For you see, without Superman II this world would not have one of the GREATEST movie lines of all time…Ready…

COME SON OF JOR-EL…KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

God damn!