Yesterday was brutal friends. Captain Kronos falls beneath the waves, and Faith sits lifeless and drained on the mean streets of Sunnydale. Today is the final round. The last battle to determine the best monster hunter of the ages. A better mismatch we could never hope for. The happy go lucky Monster Squad against the obsessive Blade.
Blade vs. The Monster Squad – The boys drive up in the ever-awesome Death Hearse with Scary German Guy at the wheel Blade blazes in on his Ducati Slayer XZ-650 (or something). Not knowing a half blind old man is at the wheel, Blade attempts to play chicken with the Monster Squad. Blade slams into the Death Hearse and goes flying hundreds of feet into the air and gets pounded into the pavement. The Monster Squad, hoping to capitalize on the dazed Blade charges the half-vampire killer with their homemade weapons drawn. Blade springs into action. Sean and Patrick suffer multiple broken bones as Blade puts the hurt on them, not seeing him as a threat, Blade simple pushes Fat Kid to the ground and tells him to eat a salad once in a while. Leaping from the Hearse (well, as much as an old man can leap), Scary German Guy charges into the fray and begins casting from Van Helsing’s spell book. Blade just laughs and runs the poor man through with his sword. Dass saugt! Phoebe runs toward Blade, tears welling in her eyes. She grabs onto Blade’s leg and begins to bite his ankle. Blade laughs and grabs her by the scruff of her neck. Not even breaking a sweat, he tosses her into the air. She screams at the top of her lungs, but the sickening sound of a little child hitting the pavement is never heard. Instead a deep voice calls out, “Bogus”! Blade turns and looks upon the largest man he has ever seen. Frankenstein’s Creation (freed by the open Limbo in the first fight) holds Phoebe in his hand. He sets down the sweet little girl and walks toward Blade. Blade opens up with all the weapons he has, but Blade is only equipped for vampires and is in no way prepared to fight a seven and a half-foot talk Golem! The Creation slams Blade into the ground with his massive fists. Broken and bloodied Blade falls to the ground. The Creature plants his foot on Blades chest. A shotgun blast fills the air and Blade is no more. Above the buckshot gutted Blade comes a voice, “May name is HORACE”! Broken but victorious, the boys drive into the sunset, Frankenstein’s Creature in tow. WINNER: The Monster Squad!
I don’t want to hear any whining! TRUE horror Geeks KNOW that NO ONE can be The Monster Squad! They can rock until you drop! They can dance until their feet fall off! Wooooooo!!!