Breaking Up is Hard To Do

Your friendly neighborhood Geek is a kind-hearted man. He doesn’t like to drop the bomb on people, but sometimes a line must be drawn in the sand and a stance must be made. That line was drawn a week ago. And so, I had to make the sad, sad call…

“Listen (Bob) the circle has made a choice and have decided that you must go. It’s not you, it’s us”. Truth be told; it really was that person’s fault. You keep staring at a woman’s boobs while arguing with the DM; your ass is GONE! Oh, you thought I was talking about a personal relationship!? Ha! Ha! Ha! Please, no good Geek EVER dumps a love. We hang on to love for dear life! No, this break-up had to do with a (former) role player. I wish I could report as to how said person responded, alas I had to leave a message and have yet to hear back from said player. I doubt I will and that is fine with me. It did get me thinking about relationships and how Player Characters would handle a break-up…


WARRIOR – There is a good chance that the veritable Warrior would simply choose to confront the person and be done with it. Not comfortable with emotions, the warrior would make sure he or she was gone before said ex began to weep. There is also a possibility that the Warrior slaps the ex on the shoulder and says they can still be ?F buddies…

PALADIN – Well, no good Paladin would even enter a relationship, as celibacy is often a requirement. Those that could date would end a relationship with a simple note and nod. A broken hearted Paladin may swear to smite the person guilty of hurting them. They’d probably just pray a lot though.

RANGER – Bah, Rangers don’t date. They spend too much time with the animals. Unless it’s Liv Tyler.

MAGE – This one is tricky. The Mage is not a friend of the direct confrontation. In fact out of all the Player Classes, the Mage has the best opportunity. Deciding not to make their ex cry and cause unpleasantness, the Mage can simply cast an enchantment and cause the ex to forget they were ever dating. There were times I wish I could do that. It should be noted that a Necromancer NEVER ends a relationship. They simply make new ones…

THIEF – Note that I didn’t say Rogue, as I refuse to acknowledge said name. Anyway, the Thief doesn’t mind the direct confrontation but will shy front it if they can. That being said the Thief would be the meanest of the break-ups. The Thief will simply slip into the night and never be seen again. Although your creepier thieves may slip back into your room at night unseen and watch you diddle yourself. That being said; never date a thief!

DRUID – Now I know I said that those who live in the woods don’t date. This doesn’t really apply to Druids. I say the word “date” pretty loosely though. Druids are more then likely to just go around sleeping with people. Unlike that bastard Bard though, the Druid never says that he or she loves you. You sleep with a Druid you know EXACTLY what you are getting. Mad hot nature love…and they can Polymorph. Take that, as you will.

CLERIC – Like the Paladin, most Clerics are not allowed to date. Of all the Player Characters the Cleric is the hardest to pigeonhole. How they would dump you all depends on their order. One dedicated to virgins probably would touch you to begin with, but woe to the person who breaks up with a follower of pleasure and pain Gods…

BARD – The Bard is a mean cold-hearted bastard. This son of a bitch would drag it on for weeks and weeks. The entire time telling you that they still love you but that they just need a little space. It should be noted that the Bard is telling about FIVE other people the exact same thing! There is also a good chance that the Bard plays for both teams, so if the gay love gives you the willies, stay away! In fact, avoid Bards at all cost it will only lead to heartache…

And so you wondering, “Which character are you oh Geek in the City”? Well, I guess you’ll have to ask and find out… Be warned, I have a high Charisma if you catch my drift… Oh yea…Oh…